I have prayed for God to send a word for me to write here today. I have asked for a fresh revelation, a new embrace of His love.
I'm still waiting for that revelation. Maybe the problem is that I keep seeking it from outside sources (I've read bits and pieces of four different books today, I keep scrolling my Instagram and Pinterest feeds, and I've listened to song after song). Maybe I just need to be quiet and patient and simply seek His presence. Even yet, maybe I should just trust in His timing and acknowledge that He will give me the words to say when they need to be said. Yet, here I am, typing away and I have no idea what I am to say.
I just find today marked by a sense of restlessness. It's not that I'm unhappy or ungrateful. I actually am very happy in this season of life. I just feel like God has been showing me glimpses of this vision for my future and the things that are going to come to be. Part of that vision is that I have this unshakable feeling in my soul that I need to write. I need to go to this writers and speakers conference in July (She Speaks), and I need to have a book proposal written and ready before that day. But what do you do when the words don't come?
I usually share what God has been revealing to me lately, but recently the things I've been pursuing God for insight on are things that feel private and dear to my heart. Quite honestly, they are topics that I find a bit embarrassing to be so vocal about. Since, though, nothing else is coming to mind, I'll just lay it out there. Well, vaguely and partially, at least. ;)
It probably has a lot to do with the reading selections I've been exploring lately, but God has completely been renewing my spirit toward relationships and marriage. He is showing me what a God centered relationship looks like. It is courtship, not "dating". It is seeking God's will FIRST, before the intertwining of lives and bodies and emotions. Marriage is not just to bring happiness into our lives, or even just to raise families, although those things are good and often the result. It is to fulfill God's purposes and plans, plans that He spoke into existence long before the start of you and the person God has created for you. It is connecting with a partner with whom you can grow closer to God with together. It is about a lifelong commitment to pray, encourage, and root for someone else. It is about harmony and balance, creating a Spirit of servitude in yourself, and challenging one another to be who God has called him/her to be.
"To love someone is to see them how God intended them."
I am grateful that God is guiding me to use this season of life to prepare my heart and to grow in wisdom and maturity. I am also thankful that He has arranged my life so I have been able to learn from my mistakes and that I am committed to seeking, following, and obeying His will and doing things His way, now and in the future. Even more so, I am grateful that He has cleansed me of my past and that I am made pure again, in His sight. I am eternally grateful that our God is a God of infinite, relentless, persistent, and unconditional love.