(Post originally written February 13th, 2020)
Tonight I was vigorously scrubbing the kitchen floor because tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and I want the house to be nice, tidy, and relaxing for my hubby. But in the midst of my scrubbing, I started thinking about expectations.
Just ask my kids, students, or husband - I have HIGH expectations for the people in my life. But the person whom I hold to the highest of standards? Myself. Me.
I am my number one critic.
I’ll be the first to admit that I have overly ambitious, perfectionist tendencies. That Drive. Me. Crazy. But also, they just drive me.
I want to keep a spotless house, while working a full time job in hopes of someday buying a bigger home, so I can host lots of people and cook lots of delicious meals for everyone. And I want to be a good and thoughtful neighbor. And I want to be the best employee at my job and teach my many different assigned curriculums in the most engaging, exciting way for my students, without letting anyone down. And I want to go back to school for my own next academic pursuit in the meantime. And of course I want to be the best mom I can be, giving my kids lots of love and experiences and wisdom and quality time and affection and things. And when I think I’m falling short, the mom guilt is all-consuming. And I want to be a devoted and doting wife. And I want to make lots of cool art and write a relevant book and pursue a million other little hobbies. I want to pay off all of our debt and grow a substantial savings. I want to be invested in ministry and volunteer more at my church. And you know I want to spend time with God and pursue His calling for me. I want to keep reading and listening to podcasts and going to conferences and growing. And honestly, I just want my car to stay clean! And for the laundry to be caught up. For more than a day. And I want to be really healthy. And eat mostly plant-based. And I want to look thin and glowing and polished and be well dressed while doing ALL THE THINGS!
Some days it feels like I’ve got a grip on all of it and a good rhythm going and that everything is going to work out okay. But then other days, like today, it all just feels like too much to balance, and honestly, it kind of feels like I’m drowning in a million duties of my own making.
The only true sense of relief when I’m feeling this way? To pray.
7 Scriptures to Pray when You’re Feeling Overwhelmed with Responsibility