I'm a teacher. In a nutshell, my job is to round up groups of rowdy middle school students (God love them!) and teach them to mature as readers and writers.
As with any job, there are days when it feels like all of my efforts and intentions are for nothing. I'm standing in front of them, ready to give instructions or share some profound chunk of knowledge, and they are looking for their earbuds, staring out the window, or making googly eyes at each other from across the room. There are times when I just stop and remind them that I'm not up there talking for the fun of it. This is for them! They would be wise to hear my instructions! I'm only guiding them because I care about them and want them to do well in life!
does that sound familiar at all?
i realized... how often do we respond to God's instruction the same way?
There He is, always there for us, reaching out His hands and pouring His love out over us. There it is- written- the perfect instructions for our lives according to His will, through His word... if only we would read it and follow the directions. His Holy Spirit, echoes in our souls, His wisdom and guidance there, ready to lead us and our lives in the direction that is truly best for us.
Yet we don't always listen.
Today it occured to me - and not for the first time- that every conflict, issue, challenge, and ongoing difficulty in my life is a direct result of my disobedience to God. Every mistake I have made- you know, the big stuff- was made despite my knowing that it was wrong. Every time I really messed up, I was fully aware that I was stepping outside of God's will, yet I chose to do it anyway.
Why is this? Why does God place perfect instructions right in front of us, and engrave His truths upon our hearts, and yet we disobey? What is it about human nature that leads us to disregard good instruction that is intended for our own well being?
Seriously. I need answers! I know we are human and that we have freewill and that we make mistakes, because that's part of our chemistry. But when is enough, enough? How can we learn to turn away from the temptation to follow our own foolish will and to walk fully in the ways of His guidance?
I think it starts with daily surrender, moment by moment. But where does it end? I'm tired of making the same mistakes over and over again, when I know perfectly well the difference in right and wrong.
a heavy heart